Last night I spoke with someone whom, whether they know it or not; has changed my life for the better.
The devil is going to be mad at this one.
I was confident. Bold. Big personality. I said what I wanted, when I wanted. I did what I wanted. I laughed, when things weren’t funny. I enjoyed life. I was strategic. I planned. I executed. I was determined. Driven. Motivated.
I was “humbled.”
Of course it took a toll on me both mentally and physically, but as a means of dealing with “it”, I tried to make sense of it all. I believed “it,” happened to humble me….to make me think twice. NOTHING was as it seemed anymore.
I thought about decisions often… too many times, until I did nothing. I became stuck. I became paused by my hesitance of believing in myself. I didn’t believe I knew anymore.
But I believed the situation, “humbled,” me.
The funny thing is, the devil was ok with me thinking that. He was comfortable with me putting that on God. He was ok with me believing I was meant to live as the person the situation changed me into. That was great for him. I was just where he wanted me to be.
I believed the situation humbled me. In actuality, it SILENCED me.
It diluted my strength! I became willingly unvaluable. I second guessed myself. I became scared to make a move; scared to make a decision. Now; I always hesitated. I lacked confidence. I WANTED to blend in. I didn’t want to be noticed. I assumed that was being humble.
I was wrong!!
So what Now? …As people that know me/knew me read, they didn’t know these are the things I struggled with, it wasn’t apparent. I covered. I hid. I faked.
I was silenced!
So what Now? ….Now; I practice speaking when I have something to say. Practice; knowing I make good decisions. Practice, not second guessing and trusting myself. Practice laughing because I want to. Practice not thinking about what others may think of me…I never cared before. Practice, not feeling the need to explain myself. Practice believing; because I want to or because I don’t want to …is more than reason enough.
I’M GETTING MY VOICE BACK!
I was silenced.
God made no mistake when he made me…..the me who I was!
He made no mistake! I didn’t need to be humbled! I believed that godforsaken lie! I believed “it” happened to change or break something in me..for the better. I tried so hard to make a positive out of what I saw as negative, but it was a lie.
I was not humbled.
I was silenced….
And I’m getting…. NO I’m Taking my voice back!